The challenges of growing up Intersex/DSD

Growing up as a person with an Intersex and a DSD condition, I have faced many challenges and obstacles that confronted me. As someone who is Intersex/DSD and has Kallmann’s syndrome, you often face challenges such as being challenged on your medical condition to society not understanding you and misreading you. I have often faced challenges such as people trying to tell me I’m not intersex enough or trying to deny my claim to Intersex/DSD. I have even faced many challenges where people think I’m not intersex and try to say to people I’m not Intersex. Even in society, I have faced many challenges because as an Intersex/DSD person, I don’t fit very neatly in the Male or female system. Even my doctors know that, I don’t fit very neatly in the male or female system. As a result, they list me as a biological indeterminate gender and even list me as an Intersex/DSD person.

As an Intersex/DSD person, I don’t see being born with an Intersex and DSD(Disorders of sexual development) as a sex or gender identity. I view Intersex/DSD as a pure medical condition and leave the sex and gender politics out of it. I don’t sexualize Intersex and DSD(Disorders of sexual development), that other people do. I don’t even see being born with an Intersex and DSD(Disorders of sexual development) as a gender Identity. That’s because to me, Intersex/DSD(Disorders of sexual development) people don’t have a biological sex and biological gender to begin with. It’s why as an Intersex/DSD(Disorders of sexual development) person, I don’t sexualize my medical condition. I simply see being born with Kallmann’s syndrome as an Intersex and DSD(Disorders of sexual development). Even Accord Alliance and their DSD(Disorders of sexual development) Manual list Kallmann’s syndrome as an Intersex/DSD(Disorders of sexual development) condition.

The other things I face as an Intersex/DSD(Disorders of sexual development) person is when you have medical staff constantly ask me what sex or gender do I see myself as. Quite frankly, I don’t see myself as a male or female. I see myself as a biological indeterminate gender because you can’t assign a biological sex and a biological gender to an Intersex/DSD(Disorders of sexual development) person like myself. I have often times seen trans and genderqueer people try to put a biological sex and a biological gender on me, but all their attempts fail miserably. Even all the Endocrinologist, which were mostly male endocrinologist, I had in the past tried to put the Maleness in me, but it never worked out for me. Which is why my current endocrinologist, which is a female Nurse Practitoner, doesn’t force the maleness or femaleness on me. She treats me as a human being first and throws out any notions of sex and gender. She doesn’t list me as male or female and instead list me as an Intersex/DSD(Disorders of sexual development) person who is biologically indeterminate gender.

It’s why for me, growing up as an Intersex/DSD(Disorders of sexual development) person was very challenging because I had pediatric Endocrinologist in the past who tried to force the maleness on me. Even my folks were told by the Pediatric Endocrinologist to try to put the maleness within me. Even though I knew I was never gona look like a Normal guy no matter what modern medicine dose to people like me. Even my Nurse Practitioner has always told me, that I’m always going to be medically induced to look like a guy, but I will never naturally look like a normal man or a normal woman. Just an Intersex/DSD(Disorders of sexual development) person who can’t fit neatly in either biological sex or gender.

Socially for me, I don’t ever see myself as a biological man or a woman. I don’t see myself ever looking like a normal man or a normal woman because medically I’ll never meet the standards for a normal man or a normal woman. I mostly see myself as a biological indeterminate gender because being born Intersex/DSD(Disorders of sexual development), it’s hard to pin a sex or gender on me. Even medicine knows, that it’s hard to pin sex and gender on Intersex/DSD(Disorders of sexual development) people. That’s why medical science is changing and stopped treating intersex/DSD people as male and female. They now treat intersex/DSD as gender neutral people and throw biological sex and biological gender out the window for Intersex/DSD people. It’s why my Nurse Practitioner doesn’t treat me like a man or a woman and instead treats me like a human being.

The challenge for me, is to find my own niche and corner of the world, where I can live and simply be myself without the politics of sex and gender. I’m not a huge fan of politics, and I’m not  a fan of sex and gender politics as well. For me, it just gets’s in the way of having a normal life. Life is better without the politics of sex and gender and as an Intersex/DSD(Disorders of sexual development). I don’t need, the politics of sex and gender or who’s more intersex crap. If your Intersex/DSD(Disorders of sexual development) than your Intersex/DSD(Disorders of sexual development). The only people who truly know are you, your doctor and god.

What it means for me as an intersex/DSD(Disorders of sexual development) person and someone who has Kallmann’s syndrome, is that your life is not as normal as everyone else. Your different from them, biologically, medically and genetically. You grow up with experiences that are far different from anyone else and have to face things that most people will never understand. Most people will never understand what it means to be born from birth with an Intersex/DSD(Disorders of sexual development) condition and what you had to go through in life. They never understand what it means to be a lab rat, to be poke, prodded and viewed as a medical specimen by your endocrinologist and by medical staff. What they will never understand is that being born with an Intersex/DSD(Disorders of sexual development) condition, it’s often hard to pin a biological sex and biological gender on us.

I simply live my life as normal as possibly despite being born with an intersex/DSD(Disorders of sexual development) condition called Kallmann’s Syndrome. I don’t let it hinder my life, and I simply try to live as normal as possible. I don’t let my Intersex/DSD(Disorders of sexual development) condition define who I am , and I don’t let others define me as well. If people don’t think I’m not intersex/DSD enough for them,oh well that’s their ill-informed opinion and the only people who truly know that I’m Intersex/DSD are me and my Doctors.