My Intersex reality

People in my life have often ask me, what’s it like being born with an Intersex/DSD (Disorders of Sexual development) Condition. I often tell them that it’s not easy in a world where everything is black and white. It’s not easy when you live with the fact that you have an extra chromosome in your body and knowing that you will never have a normal life. I often tell people that Intersex and DSD (Disorders of Sexual development) mean the same thing and that their interchangeable. DSD just medicalizes the Intersex conditions and beings in conditions that the new science has found. In the case of my Intersex/DSD condition, which is Kallmann’s syndrome. It is listed as an Intersex/DSD condition in the Disorders of sexual development manual put out by Accord Alliance.

Now some people have tried to dismiss Kallmann’s syndrome as being an Intersex condition and a DSD condition and that’s cause out of their own ignorance, stupidity, lack of knowledge or the lack of keeping up with the latest in medical science. The other is that some cling to the older notions of what intersex is and are in denial of the newer science that is out their. I have even seen some try to claim to be more intersex than thou mentality.  In any cases, it doesn’t bother me when people try to deny my intersex/DSD condition because I learn in life opinions don’t matter to me and I don’t need anyone’s approval. To me, intersex is intersex, and if you have an extra DNA chromosome and medical science classifies it as being an Intersex/DSD condition. Then to me that’s Intersex/DSD in my book. In my case, I know being university educated and keeping up with the latest science including the DSD manual. I know for a fact that Kallmann’s syndrome is listed as an Intersex condition and a Disorder of sexual development condition.

Even people have tried to knock me down for not being intersex enough or not being Intersex/DSD at all. Some even have made outlandish claims that I’m lying or faking it.  It hurts, because it hurts fact that people question my existence and legitimacy. It hurts because they question my life experience and growing up. What they do amounts to bullying and intimidating. All they do is try to erase me as a human being, a person and someone who has a valid intersex/DSD condition. They deny my right as a human being and as a person to be me. Even as an Intersex/DSD person, they try to deny my right to claim it, even though medical science today disagrees with them. It hurts as an intersex/DSD person when people think they know more than you and try so hard to deny your existence and status as an Intersex/DSD person.

It’s why I don’t give a rats ass anymore if people say I’m not Intersex/DSD or I’m faking it. I know I’m Intersex/DSD, My nurse practitioner knows I’m Intersex/DSD, my doctors know it also and my medical records list me as an intersex/DSD person. If people don’t like it then, too freaking bad because you can deny my biology all your want, but you can never deny my life experience, upbringing and my history. My Biology trumps your stupidity and ignorance. If people are too stupid to be educated and updated then they are too stupid to be online as well.

For me, I have to live with my Intersex condition, and they don’t. I have to live with the fact that I’ll never reproduce or never have a normal sex life. Even my Nurse Practitioner knows that I’ll never be a natural normal man or woman. With the medication I take for the rest of my life, I know that I’ll never look as natural as a normal man or woman. I’ll always be medically induced to look a normal man, but never a natural one. It’s why people will never understand what Intersex/DSD people have to go through. They don’t understand, the shame, secrecy, poking and prodding by medical staff and scientist. Even for me, no one will ever know what’s it like to be seen as a medical oddity or medical lab rat.

One thing people well never know what it feels like, is when people think you look younger than your age. When people think you look like a 23 yr old instead of your real age of 37. To me, that sometimes is a barrier when I want a normal relationship or friendship. Even looking younger than your age, it’s hard to be taken seriously because of your Intersex/DSD condition. That’s why one of the more hidden facts about being born with an Intersex/DSD condition is that your often hidden from people and are always in the shadow of others. It’s why for me as an Intersex/DSD person, I carve out my own niche. Blaze my own trail and stake my own existence. I don’t need approvals from people,and I’m not here to please others.

The reality for me, is that I’m an Intersex/DSD (Disorders of Sexual Development) person who has Kallmann’s syndrome. They don’t like it, tough shit. I have to live with it, they don’t and I could care less if they think I’m not Intersex/DSD. Cause for me I know in my heart, soul and DNA, I’m Intersex/DSD. It’s something I live with day in and day out. Knowing that I’ll never have a Natural Normal LIFE. In spite of my Intersex/DSD condition, I face it everyday, head on and often times alone.