One thing I don’t tell people is that I’m always at a distinct disadvantage. That is because I never had any opportunities in life and No one has ever offered me the chance to do anything. I’ve always had to fight very hard to even get a chance to do something, but other times I hardly ever get any chance or opportunity to try something new or do something. It doesn’t help that being an Asian American and a deaf disabled person. I’m always going to be severely disadvantaged.
Every opportunity I always wanted to do, I was never given the chance or the door was always closed on me. Even climbing up from where I am, I was never ever given the chance to climb up. I was always picked last or never picked at all. I always had to deal with set backs and always had to deal with be shut out and closed off from all the opportunities in life.
It’s why no matter what I wanted to do in life, whether getting back to riding EMS calls as an EMT or going on Fire calls with a Volunteer Fire dept or even doing stuff with the US Coast Guard Auxiliary. I’m never gona have those opportunities because being an ethnic minority and a disabled person. I don’t get those chances to do anything. Since I have my EMT license, I hardly ever have opportunities to use my license because I’m always at a disadvantage and no one has ever given me opportunities. The only way I ever get those opportunities, is if you know someone or your kissing someone’s butt.
It’s why I would love to get back into the Fire and EMS game, but I know that will never happen and I will never get that opportunity ever again. It’s why I have always see the Fire and EMS system in this country as the privileged system and only for the privileged few. Even my time with the US Coast Guard Auxiliary, I never had the opportunity to move up or do anything cause being a minority and a disabled person. They never gave me opportunities and always felt like racism was always a factor in why I never got a chance.
Even in college, I have started to learn that you have to be very privileged to get doors and opportunities opened to you. Which is why I hardly ever get those opportunities in college and the College I go to, I have never been a member of an on campus club or even played sports in college. I never had opportunities to study abroad, work on campus or get an Internship. It’s like, if your not privileged enough, you don’t get anything but crap. It’s why in college, I have always been disadvantaged and never had any opportunity to do stuff in college.
That’s why I never get to do any of the things I wanted to do or have a life I always wanted. I’m always in the shadows and behind the scenes. No one ever gives me a chance to do something or make something of myself and sometimes I wonder why the hell do I bother. When people never give people a chance or at least open the door for me.
It’s why I had to do my own stuff or go it alone cause people never gave me a chance or opportunity to do anything. Even for example, If I wanted to go to an event or do something. I’ve always wind up doing them alone and by myself. Even now, when I see people doing things, succeeding and climbing up. I’m always looking at them with bitterness and discontent. I’m always looking at them with hostility because they are privileged and got a chance while I never got the chance and always at a disadvantage. It’s why I have realized that in life, you have to be privileged to get opportunities and if your not privileged enough, you get nothing in life.
One thing I also want to say is that I sometimes think the idea of an American dream is all an illusion. Because how can you have an American dream when every opportunity or chance is closed off to you or your not privileged enough to have an American dream. It seems like today, the American Dream is only for chosen few or the privileged few.