Author: Nicky

What grinds my gears

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You know what really grinds my gears and annoys the Living hell out of me. On social media, I can’t even say my view, opinion or belief without being attacked for my view, opinions, beliefs or even attacking my nationality, race or ethnicity. It pisses me off when I can speak on social media and get attacked.

It’s like on Facebook, I can’t even speak my view or opinion without being attacked for my opinion or even attacking my nationality, race or ethnicity. Everytime I post a comment, some idiot has to attack my Nationality, ethnicity and race, that has nothing to do with the post or comment.  It just seems like on all the social media sites, I can’t even post a comment without it being devolved into name calling to bullying people based on a person’s name, age, race, nationality, ethnicity or disability.

It’s like people simply can’t be civil online anymore. People have to attack everyone in order to make themselves feel good but in reality they are just being idiots. It’s why I hate social media because, I can’t speak without being attacked for my nationality, ethnicity or race. It’s why I am getting to the point where I am fed up with speaking my view because people can’t be civil, can’t stay on topic and idiots have to devolve to attacking a person’s name, age, race, nationality, ethnicity, religion or disability.

Why I don’t have a large circle of friends

Being an Intersex/DSD person, a deaf/hard of hearing person and someone who has Vitiligo, I know I don’t have to many friends and not too many close friends in my life. That’s due to what I am born with and on top of all that I’m largely an introvert who prefers being alone. It’s like when it comes to Kayak fishing season, I tend to go by myself largely because I don’t have friends who like to go Kayak fishing with me. Which often times, it’s just me, the kayak, water and the fish.

It’s why at my age, I don’t have a large circle of friends that I use to have when I was in my teens. or early teens. Now I have just a tiny circle to just none and i kind of figure that with age comes with the fact that your circle gets smaller and smaller. Though I do notice that a circle of friends are different, when it comes to men and women. Women seem to have a larger circle of friends regardless of age, whereas with men, they have a smaller and smaller circle of friends as they get older and older. It’s what I am noticing with me, that I am having a smaller and smaller circle of friends as I get older and older.

Quite frankly, I don’t hardly notice that I don’t have many friends unless it comes to wanting to do things like go Kayak fishing, nude camping or going out to social events. It’s why I don’t do much and most often I wind up going alone or doing things by myself. It’s why when it comes to doing things, I don’t like to do things unless I have a buddy to come along with and even when I don’t have a buddy, I don’t go out as much and most often I wind up staying at home or doing things by myself.

Most times, I don’t have many friends mainly because being an Intersex/DSD person, a deaf/hard of hearing person and someone who has Vitiligo. I doubt people would tolerate and understand what I have or what I’m born with. Often times being quiet as a church mouse and in the background, people hardly ever notice me or see me unless I do something stupid or say something. I’m always quiet in the background and always keeping things to myself.

Which is why, when people ask why I don’t have a large circle of friends or go out a lot. It’s mainly because I don’t have a large circle of friends that everyone on this planet has and people wouldn’t even know I was there unless I say or do something. I’m just as quiet as a church mouse and no one wouldn’t know I existed unless I’m long gone or even forgotten by people. I’m just a human being who’s hidden in plain sight and no one wouldn’t notice me or see me.

Things I could have done in life

Sometimes, I tell people about the hardest part of ever being born with an Intersex/DSD condition is how people hardly don’t notice you or even see you at all. with all that I have and what I am born with from Kallmann’s syndrome down to Vitiligo, it’s very hard to be noticed, seen or taken seriously these days. The hardest part is people not allowing me to do all the things that everyone else gets to do because due to having Kallmann’s syndrome, I look way younger than my age and the perception that people have is that people think I look to young to be doing things. Which as a result, I get denied opportunities to do things or lead or even manage things.

It’s why many times in my life, I don’t get to do all the things that every human being on this planet get to do because of what I am born with. Even if I have all those certifications, degrees or licenses, i still won’t be able to do things because people would think I look way too young to be doing them. It’s why for example, i’m in the US Coast Guard Auxiliary and the highest I have ever gotten up to is FSO-DV aka Flotilla Staff officer- diversity. I have never gone has high up as Division, district or national because I have never been given the opportunity to move up or that no one has ever offered me any opportunities to advance. Even when it comes to pursuing US Coast Guard certifications such as Boat crew, I never got the opportunity because people thought I was too young looking to be doing that.

Even in college, I was never given the chance to run a club, play sports, lead a student government or even be an RA in a dorm. All those were denied to me because people looked at me and though I was too young looking to do those things. Which was why I never got a good college education including the social skills and group skills in college. College never helped me socialize and it was all based on who you know and how well connected are you. It’s why the college I graduated from, I never got to run a club, play sports, lead a student government or even be an RA in a dorm. It’s why I never got to have the social life because of having Kallmann’s syndrome, vitiligo and looking years younger than my age.

Even when it comes to dating and relationships, I am still single to this day and most likely will be single to the very end. That’s due into part because having Kallmann’s syndrome, I am always overlooked by women because I look way too young looking for them. It’s why at my age right now, I don’t bother to date and dating and relationships are the last thing on my list. That’s because having Kallmann’s Syndrome and Vitiligo, always rejected by people and people overlook me. That’s why when it comes to women, I always have this mentality that every women I see, I assume they are either a lesbian/bisexual or already taken. It’s why because of Kallmann’s syndrome and Vitiligo, I don’t even think about dating and relationships.

It’s why many things I could, would and should have done in my life, I never got to do because the fact that I look way younger looking than my age. The fact that I have Kallmann’s syndrome and Vitiligo is one of those factors in why opportunities are often denied to me and sometimes I have to create my own opportunities despite having all the opportunities slammed shut on me. It’s why being younger looking is nice but it has a steep price, which I am paying for because of Kallmann’s syndrome and vitiligo.