Being and Interex person and someonw with Kallmann’s syndrome, my experience growing up Intersex is not the same as every other Intersex person’s. Alot of factors that goes into an Intersex person’s experiences vary from intersex person to intersex person and Intersex condition to Intersex condition. Which is why for an Intersex person, growing up has a universal linkage such as having our condition kept a secret and hidden from us or growing up different and not normal like everyone else.
My experience is that, I grew up knowing that I would never be a normal biological man no matter how much medical science tries. I always have that feeling that I’m always in the middle in between men and women, though I tend to lean more towards the women then men. Body wise, I always knew I had a mix of male and female body. I knew that my Intersex body is never gonna be normal. It’s why I always knew that micropenis of mines is never gonna outgrow itself and it’s always gonna be the same shape and size regardless of what medicine does. It’s why, when it comes to my Intersex body, I’ve always known that it’s always gonna be in between and a mixture of male and female features. It’s why I always tell people that I am fortunate to sit in between men and women due to my biology, genetics and DNA. I’m fortunate that I have longer arms, longer legs and child bearing hips.
When it comes to the social and society side of being an Intersex person, it’s always hard to work with a world that only see’s male and female. Being that I have Kallmann’s syndrome, it’s far worse for me because people always see me as being younger than my age. They look at me as being in my late 20’s and early 30’s, despite being 41 yrs old. On top of all that, I look young enough that, sometimes I can pass as a tomboy girl and people wouldn’t be able know if it was me or not. Which is why as an Intersex person, I am fortunate that I can get away with dressing as either a tomboy girl or just a normal man. It’s why being who I am as an Intersex person and because of my Intersex body, I have clothes from both sexs, that tend to fit me well. That means I not only have clothes from Men’s side but I also have clothes from women’s side to help fit my intersex body and make me feel comfortable. It’s why as an Intersex person, I can get away with wearing leggings, dresses and even with business suits as well. I am fortunate that I have an Intersex body that allows me to wear whatever I want and be comfortable in.
Although, growing up Intersex for me, I never fitted in with the biological men or women. I was always seen as being in the middle. In the beginning I was forced to socialize with men and boys to keep my folks happy until I gained independence and started to rebel. That’s when I started to break the mold and started to forge my own mold. I did that because I knew I couldn’t fit the Male stereotypes, male mentality and male role no matter how hard medicine tried to pigeonhole me into the male mentality. It’s why growing up, was always a challenge of trying to be myself but also pacify the Laotian culture that was still stuck on the old sex and gender stereotypes of the east and not the west. Which was why growing up intersex in my childhood was often times labeled as being very traumatic.
Now for me, I am able to be myself and be who I am as an Intersex person. I have 3 doctors, all of whom are female to thank and who took care of me and who knew not to force the male or female stuff on to me and even allowed me to be myself without the pressures of being male or female. I even had a social worker who took care of me and even allowed me to be myself and dress whatever made me feel comfortable and happy. The social worker allowed me to dress whatever I wanted whether male or female and even helped me try to live a normal existence, despite having to deal with everything in life. Which is why I am fortunate to have people who made growing up Intersex very easy for me despite living in a toxic culture and trying to make my medical condition much more bearable to deal with. It’s those things that helps makes growing up intersex much more bearable and manageable.
Now the downside to my Intersex experience is that being that I have Kallmann’s syndrome, it comes with a whole host of medical issues that no normal person would ever want to deal with. Part of having Kallmann’s syndrome in the Kal-1 gene that I have is that I am born deaf with Sensorineural Hearing loss in my right ear. I lack the ability to smell everything including foods and flowers. I have a Micropenis that is so damn small that the only time I notice it being their is when it’s stiff and hard. When it’s soft, it’s so damn small that I don’t even notice it. It’s when when I want to finger myself, I can literally push my micropenis inward and actually finger myself until it gets stiff and hard. The other is that I have vitiligo, which is a skin disease, where I have white spots on my skin as well. On top of that, I don’t have the ability to manufacture hormones on my own, which is why I am on lifetime HRT for the rest of my life. I’m also put at HIGH risk for osteoporosis because I don’t have hormones to help shape and protect my bones. The worst part of it all, is that I am sterile for life and that means, I can’t get a biological woman pregnant no matter how hard I try.
Out of all that, my intersex experience is very different from most intersex people but every intersex person knows, that growing up is and was never normal for us. It’s why, mines was not that easy and not that normal for me. I never had anything that was normal because of my Intersex condition and normal was something that was very foreign for me. Being intersex and growing up was never easy because of the fact that I never experienced anything that was remotely normal and I was viewed as being weird by society and a lab rat by medicine because of my genetic disease. It’s why, growing up intersex, I was never normal to begin with and will never see normal in my lifetime, though I am glad that I have 3 doctors and a social worker who made growing up intersex much more bearable, manageable and tolerable for me.